St John Chrysostom(1) reminds us to not be tricked into shaming our repentance, but rather be confident in the true result of repentance: boldness and freedom. From repentance and confession we feel lighter, free to shape ourselves anew with the help of Christ. We can always change and improve, our past does not dictate our future, in Christ all transformation is possible.(2)
When we are tempted to feel shame while repenting, we are discouraged from our admitting of wrongs and choosing to ask Christ to transform our behavior, ultimately avoiding the healing Sacrament of Confession. Shame leads to blaming others for the way we feel, and our behavior begins to spiral downward.
Shame(3) is often the feeling that we are somehow inherently flawed, and therefore we feel unworthy of connection, love, or belonging. These feelings of unworthiness, as real and heavy as they may feel, are never true of us. God is our Father, just like in the parable of the Prodigal Son, and He is always waiting for us to simply turn toward Him (repent and confess) so that He may run to us and embrace us.(4) God’s love is unconditional.(5)
Guilt is the acknowledgement that some behavior or decision was wrong and needs repentance. Shame is a focus and judgment on oneself, vs guilt is a focus on behavior - behavior that can be changed.
“Repentance is not an outward form (joy or sorrow) but the inner state of the soul which is pained because it has slighted the Lord’s love and which is grateful to Him for its restoration to the company of God’s children.”(6) Repentance is both the recognition of wrong doings, and the gratefulness of the healing God provides when we confess our brokenness and take action to change our ways.
Let us remember with gratefulness that repentance brings boldness and freedom restoring Christ-given peace in our lives and harmony between us, God, and our neighbor. Resources:
1) Read More About St John Chrysostom
3) Guilt vs Shame YouTube Video
4) Luke 15:11-32 The Prodigal Son
6) Hieromonk Gregorios, The Healing of Healers, Pg 64.
